Three full days of silence, why would anyone want to do that? My friend Laura even asked before I left work the last day “three full days with no human contact?” Absolutely! Here are the specifics of the container I used for the process: Wednesday at dusk until Saturday at dusk, no tech (phone, computer, tv, etc), no external words (books, music, conversation, etc), no speaking or writing besides journaling at dusk and dawn, no clocks (this bit was actually very powerfully enlightening for me). I made sure I got outside at least once every day, and engaged in a kitchari mono-diet cleanse to ensure what I was taking into myself was “clean and nourishing”. Okay… that sounds intense and weird right, so what’s the logic here?

Words are a powerful thing, and one we often take for granted. I encourage you for the next 24 hours to take stock of just how often you are not being bombarded by words in some fashion, whether through music, a book, a TV, conversation, advertising, social media… it is literally EVERYWHERE, and practically constant. I consider words to be the fuel of the ‘monkey mind’; that part of your brain that isn’t very good at quieting down to drift into meditation, and often just yammers at you about anything and everything. It tends to distort our internal views of what we really think, how we really feel, and what we really want; we get drawn into various attachments, to stories or narratives, to perspectives or opinions, and with so much clouding our vision this allows our subconscious motivations more space to lead us astray. It creates a disconnect within ourselves wherein some of what we say or do is not necessarily in alignment with our percieved goals. When this starts to happen, it can be helpful to clear out some of the distraction and see what is really going on; to untangle from some of those unecessary attachments.

Basically, it was a big mental and emotional spring cleaning, and a physical rest for the body and digestive system. Those of you who know me, know that I have been through a LOT in the past few years, and have been working like superwoman to balance everything out. This was long overdue, but so worth it! It was kinda funny at first, because I began to recognize the compulsive behaviour pattern that signals such a fast might be helpful, and literally just picked the next available weekend in my calendar without clients booked. Then all the astrological correspondences made themselves known throughout the month: Easter (great, less people will want to book then anyways), just past Ostara (energetically the time for planning of what you hope to grow in the coming year), finishing on the full moon (a culmination point of energies, bringing things to fruition), mercury retrograde (taking communication within to re-evaluate relationship to self)… I even happened to catch menstruation, which is also the physiological cleansing phase for us ladies out there! There were even a number of other very specific correspondences which let me know I was definitely on track, and in alignment with the powers that be with this process. I also chose to add a couple of soul retrievals to the process, as part of my recent story has to do with the ending of a long-term relationship. Soul retrievals are a form of Shamanic healing work about regaining parts of the energetic self which may be left behind after such endings or other traumas, so it was a fitting approach to prep beforehand. Speaking of prep: something like this takes a lot of it! Silence is not to be taken lightly, nor is fasting. Ensuring you have the proper knowledge and experience beforehand, or support from others who do, is important to facilitating the process optimally. I had been preparing myself for this experience to varying degrees all month long, and there are many little considerations to have decided before going in as well. Once you are in any kind of fast (silence, dietary, etc) your judgement is not what it would otherwise be, so it is important to make sure you take care of business on things which may arise for you beforehand. One of these points of paramount importance is your intentions: What is it that you hope to gain/release/achieve by this experience? What is the purpose of the work? So, if you’re interested in what a quirky experience opens up for someone, let’s get into it shall we? Day 1: I miscounted my days with the kids, so I had them with me for the first morning… this derailed the beginnings of things to be honest, because getting three kids out the door in the morning is hard! The evening preparing myself with them though was lovely, and we got a bit of the experience together. When I realized my miscount, I simply trusted that they were meant to experience the beginning of it somewhat, and I was glad to share it with them. I recognized a simple truth with them: the less I say, the more they seem to hear. As I began this journey that evening, I felt so ready, and so supported in what I hoped to acheive with it. Once they were off to school/daycare and I was home, it was time to really get to it. This day my mind was very active, so even in “silence” it had no difficulty in filling the void with its own yammering. Interestingly though, when I sat down to journal at dusk was when it quieted down on me the most. It was a beautiful, sunny day, so I enjoyed a walk up the road; this was the point that the ravens went absolutely crazy, so much so that I contemplated seeing what was going on. They also kept a solid yammering going throughout the day (throughout the whole process really, besides when I was in the depths of the fog on day two). I coloured, and meditated, and played piano… I really focused on just settling into the process and getting some rest this first day. Emotionally I felt very calm and balanced, but physically my upper back and shoulders were very sore, so that was my distraction to work through. Some gentle yoga eased it a bit, but a definite sign of the heart chakra being in need of attention. I was craving something crunchy to snack on, as kitchari (you can find my preferred recipe to work for on that here:

https://kripalu.org/resources/kripalu-recipe-nourishing-kitchari) is basically just mush, so the feeling of texture in food becomes missed. My mind kept returning to recent relationship dynamics, old hurts, and ruminating over unanswered questions at lost connections… Once the sun fell, I began to feel very restless and agitated, dissatisfied with the various options to entertain myself at this point. I simply took some time to meditate under the moonlight, but the back pain increased a great deal with the sitting. After a bit of self-massage, I opted for an early sleep.

Day 2: Here’s where it all gets really interesting. Where the day before was a beautiful sunny day, the sky was white today, and the fog gradually thickened all day. Remember I have no clocks… I couldn’t even see where the sun was, and as the day progressed I couldn’t even see any of my neighbors homes. I felt like an island of energy, completely adrift from the world. When I had a tea outside watching the lake, the whole world carried this muted quality in the fog. My footsteps, movements, and breathing were so loud amidst the quiet outside. The only thing I could hear or see were the lake and three ravens in the trees outside, who went quiet as well after my time outside after lunch. While I still awoke at dawn to maintain my journal, I went back to sleep as well; I had been so behind on rest for a long time, and this was where I caught up on that front. I literally had no idea what the passage of time was throughout this day because of that though. It was like being lost in eternity… no anchor to ground to. The aches and pains in the body today had moved outward to my ankles, wrists and neck. I was called into meditation a lot throughout the day, and where I opted to stay in I gave myself a longer and more intense yoga practice for activity. I was beginning to crave for words… eyeing up my books, thinking about my friends, and enjoying the various songs which arose in my mind (the flow of transitions of musical styles and lyrics was also very interesting from day to day, really expressing the flow of the transformation I was undertaking). I was really struck by just how often I glanced over at the clock on the stove, which I acknowledged by the lack of feedback from it being covered up. As if I have an addiction to the cortisol surge which arises with feeling pressured by time and its constraints… I really contemplated my relationship to the various kinds of stress (physical, mental, and emotional), and how I’ve been keeping myself in one of these at high levels pretty consistently over the years; my addiction to stress. Even amidst peace and calm I tend to aim at chaos in mind or emotions to keep the stress levels up. Knowing how damaging stress is for the body, this is an important recognition and thing to sort out! I knew I lived a high stress life, but not quite to this extent. Overall, despite such realizations, I was very calm and peaceful through the day… until the sun was gone. After such a magickal day, it didn’t feel right to turn on artificial lights, so I lit candles throughout the house. My plans for the nighttime were derailed by the unfortunate reality of my water system only being able to handle so much in one day (and I had already done two loads of laundry); there wasn’t enough left in the system for me to have a bath, which I only managed to get half filled. This set the agitation factor up even more; again, nighttime created that agitated, frustrated, unfocused general restlessness in me. I do recognize this as needing to reconcile my own inner yin (night is reflective of yin)… the aspect of rest, passivity, receptivity, etc. I breathed into the feeling for awhile, simply riding the wave of it, until it began to settle; then let myself sleep.

Day 3: I was pretty excited to eat something other than kitchari today! 5-grain oats with mashed banana, chopped walnuts, cinnamon and maple syrup is amazing… but still mush. I did have an apple in the afternoon though, which was wonderful to get the experience of texture (especially crunch!) in again. The aches and pains in my body were mostly gone today, besides a mild headache upon waking, and very point specific spots in my left shoulder and left wrist. My mind finally really felt settled; it took a long while to get to the place wherein my mind actually embraced the quiet and allowed it space to flourish. The sky was still white in the morning, but the fog had lifted; I felt like I had begun to return to the world. This is where the emotions arose for me… the symbolism of the falcon which flew by my window as I ate my breakfast prompted tears of joy, as did the eagle which came as I was contemplating that meaning. There was sadness thinking about lost connections in my life… then there was the frustration! The power of three arose to me here, however I felt my flow through the days was more aligned to maiden, crone, then mother; day three was a return to my current state within motherhood, and contemplating that reality. I had the privilage of watching four baby ravens discovering their wings and playing in the air currents amidst this contemplation, drawn in by the beauty of the first peeks of blue sky through the clouds. My first meditation of the morning called me to giving some of my energy in this space to them, so I decided to embark on the difficult task of organizing their bedrooms. Starting at my eldest son’s bedroom (which looked like it would be the easiest) was particularly frustrating, as he is very good at hiding the chaos and it took me hours to tackle! I feel so much guilt that I haven’t had the time and space to teach him to take care of such things for himself more effectively amidst the chaos of our world, the busy process of tending his younger siblings, and the weight of a lack of support. I felt less frustrated with tending these tasks for my younger two, where they are still at an age where I feel it should be my work, but each of them carried their own emotional processes as I tended their little worlds. Motherhood in a simple definition has always meant frustration and overwhelm for me; that is not to disregard the immense love and joy they also give me the experience of. I was raised an only child, so I really have no bearing for how to carry three, especially without any support. Without that support, the fatigue is very real; there is always too much to do, and no time or energy to manage it. They tend to throw my addiction to stress into overdrive, and make those spaces when they aren’t present all the louder because of it; while I need the space away from them, I miss them dearly when they’re gone. This becomes a fuel for that mental/emotional aiming at chaos amidst moments of peace. As I worked on their rooms, my upper back, neck, and wrists began to ache more and more… the weight of my heart in the burden of motherhood, in a world that would have us believe it should not be a burden. I felt hungry today, which likely didn’t help the frustration and agitation through the day. I also found my mind wandering into malicious thoughts as well, ruminating over those who hurt me in the recent past. The foundational clearing in all of this: letting go of things I have no power or control over. This of course is an emotional process, and is hardly easy. While Aparigraha (non-possessiveness) is my favorite contemplation of the Yamas, it is because it is probably one of my greatest challenges; the fine art of letting go.

I will also say that dreams are a huge part of this process which I left out of this summary, as they get quite personal. While I have hardly dreamt very much or in much detail for years, all four nights surrounding this process carried very detailed dreams for me to consider and work with. Dreams are our subconscious mind trying to bring aspects of itself to consciousness (again, Jungian perspective), so there was a lot of work done on this front as well. I will likely try to continue on with my journaling of dreams from here to maintain that work as well. I finished my silence by drinking rose petal white tea, feeling bliss as I admire the beauty of the clear-sky sunset over the lake, and then “drawing down the moon”… something I haven’t done very much since I was young. One of my first spiritual explorations was within Wicca, so that basically means a ritual of honouring the divine feminine at the Esbat (full moon). It felt like such a wonderful way to employ my voice again at the end of such a process, and definitely helped clarify the culminated energies of it all. The time went by so quickly in retrospect, even while my day in the mist felt like an eternity! I definitely clarified a lot of what I need to work on, and how I need to go about it. I feel very refreshed, optimistic, and ready to reconnect with all the wonderful people of my world. I’m also very much looking forward to the new connections I will make from this space, and seeing what else may arise from these new perspectives. As that’s really all we have to work from in our present moments: the perspectives we bring to the table in any given experience. This is where we create our life from, how we see ourselves and how we see our world and those within it. To create something new in your life, a shift of perspective will do it without fail. At the end of the day, that was my goal: open my mind to new perspectives to allow for a new approach to creating connections in my life. One point which really stood out for me was the balance between giving and receiving: you can’t fill a cup while it’s pouring. I am a natural giver, and often don’t allow others the opportunity to ‘refill my cup’. Now that this journey is behind me is where the real adventure begins; now I get to really discover what has changed. If you enjoyed this article and would like to read another on the journey created by the power of silence, here is one which came up for me early in my own preparations which I found very wonderful and inspiring to read: http://highexistence.com/my-vow-of-silence-and-why-you-should-try-a-silent-vacation/As always, if you would like to pick my brain more about this topic or experience, please feel free to connect!